Advise on pregnancy… please help….?
I was just wondering whether i would be able to get some life advice here, i guess i should start from the beginning. I had a miscarriage at 4 months last october and it hasn’t been until lately i don’t think i have got over the emotional side of it. I guess because i was so excited and happy about having a baby its now made me want it even more because of that. I also had a miscarriage in march 2008 and another this year in march, Both times i didn’t know i was pregnant.
In some ways im thankful that i lost my babies last year as i was in an abusive relationship, but after meeting my partner in november last year things have been great, i was happier than ever, we have since moved in together and got to know everything about each other.
My partner told me at the beginning of the relationship that he wanted children too and i didn’t say anymore about it, but we had an open conversation a couple of weeks ago and he told me he didn’t know what he wanted in the future and that he didn’t want kids. This has broken my heart and i even thought of leaving him, I mean, what is the point of being with someone who doesn’t want what you want right? I’m so confused, i’ve since kept my thoughts to myself, and its killing me, I’m so depressed and i keep crying to myself, he does notice the sadness in my face and asks me if im ok but i can’t bring myself to talk to him about it, i just think that if i talk to him about it ill lose him anyway, i don’t want to pressure him into having a future that he doesn’t want, we both deserve to be happy, but he has already said that he feels im making him choose between me and children or nothing, i really don’t want to lose him or hurt him but a life without having children is something i can’t bare. Everyone is having children lately and even my best friend has discovered that she is 7 weeks pregnant so i cant even talk to her about my problems because she is so happy about her pregnancy, Please help!! x
Tagged with: Advise • help • please • Pregnancy
Filed under: Pregnancy Sadness
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get an abortion
wow Harrison i am so glad you are around to answer peoples questions thoroughly and with such grace. im sorry he answered you like that sweety. here is the deal its pretty black and white. you want children and he doesn’t. unfortunately as much as we love people we can not change then and we should never get farther into a relationship thinking that we can or that they will because he wont. and do you really want to make a life with someone on the bet that they may or may not be happy with that life? this is a pretty big deal breaker for you i can tell because you seem really hurt by the miscarriages and i feel your pain i have been through two also and it hurts deeply. you need to seriously consider this situation.
it is also possible that he does want children and he is just hurt from the loss of your baby so he is using the statement of not wanting children to mask the pain and avoid being hurt again.
i would first sit and have a serious conversation and tell him you need to know how he really feels about this because you do want children and your relationship is resting on his honesty. if he honestly says that he doesn’t want kids than its up to you to decide. if he comes clean and says he does but he is just scared then you have something to work on together. good luck
That’s a tough one, but you seem to already know what should happen. If your boyfriend doesn’t want children and you do, the relationship will be over anyway.
Maybe you could ask him if it’s 100% no kids, and if he says yes, then tell him you need to move on. You will end up resenting him if you stay with him for the long haul and never have any children when it’s really what you want.
Good luck.