Baby Shower Sadness & Need For Advice?
I did not get a baby shower because MY family lives 3K miles away and there was so much jealousy and drama over pregnancies in my husband’s family that caused problems throughout my pregnancy that I was uncomfortable having a shower thrown for me when the only guests would be his family – WAY awkward. I had not lived in my new town long enough to have developed any friends close enough to throw me a shower. My MIL would have thrown one but she would have driven a long distance and really her kids (other than hubs) were the ones I was at odds with AND the only guests other than his sister, mother and dad’s girlfriend would have been the brother’s inlaws. My decision not to have one wasn’t because I didn’t want one but because it would have been painful and awkward. Nonetheless, that this was the lesser of the two evils (not having one) has been a source of great pain for me to the point that now that the sister is pregnant and having showers I am so resentful. There is a lot to this story that I can’t type here because it is just too long and involves a lot of jealousy over my getting pregnant first which is so sad and rediculous.
Every time I look in my son’s baby book and see the absence of a shower I feel depressed and miserable to the point of bitterness.
Is it appropriate (he is now three months old) to throw OUR OWN party to welcome our son or have we waited too long? It wouldn’t be a “shower” in that no gifts would be expected and the delay would be because of flu season. Anyhow, maybe we waited too long.
I just feel like this was a monumental even in my life and it should be honored. His arrival should be honored too. Had I been in my home state I would have had tons of people throwing showers or at least attending a couple. Please know it isn’t about the gifts. We could afford to buy everything ourselves. It is just that much like a lot of women always dream of their wedding dress I always kind of dreamed of a neat baby shower with a pretty cake and games, etc. and that was robbed from me by pettiness and having moved to a place where only my husband’s family lives.
Anyhow, any advice would be helpful. What would you do?
Tagged with: advice • baby • need • sadness • Shower
Filed under: Pregnancy Sadness
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Throw yourself and your son a party. It’s about you guys, not about the other drama. Invite who you want to invite. You don’t need a reason to have whoever you want over to celebrate the miracle of your child. It is sad you did not get that chance to bask in such a special event before he was born, but better late than never.
What about making a trip home to your family and asking you mom if she would throw a little party for you guys so all your friends back home could meet your son. Then you can show him off to the people who you are close to. A party with people who you dont like isnt fun anyway.
Call it a Welcome party or something.
You can throw a “welcome to the world” party to give people a chance to meet and spend some time with your new son and laso with you and your husband. You won’t have to say anything a bout gifts, but I bet many people would bring them anyway. Then you’ll have olts of wonderful pictures to go in his baby book.
Good luck!
I think your idea of having your own a “welcome baby” party is a great idea – do it because it is a monumental event in your lives and should be celebrated
I would be so sad and bitter too! I feel frustrated for you! it’s so sad that other people in his family couldn’t get over their jealousy to be happy for you want to celebrate your baby. too often people let their own selfishness and pity get in the way of everything, it’s pathetic. I know what’s like to be on that side too! it took my husband and I a year and a half to get pregnant each time, and it was heartbreaking to see all of our friends and family members expecting. but it never stopped us from being happy for them and going to their baby showers! I honestly don’t know what you should do…I almost think if you DO decide to have a party soon, you should only invite close friends and family who have not caused you to feel this bitterness. you don’t need to bend over backwards for people like that…they need to come to you and apologize for making things awkward and hurtful. anyway, to be honest…I think it is too late for any kind of party that would serve as anything like a baby shower in your mind…I don’t think there’s anything that can take that bitterness away now.
I think you’ll just have to find a way to somehow let it go, and fill the baby books with all of the things you and your husband did and bought for the baby. A welcome baby party is still a great idea though! I’m just saying I don’t think it will take the place of a baby shower in your mind.
I’m still so sad for you though…and frustrated that people let their selfishness ruin everything for other people. I’m sorry…and I hope you can somehow let it go so it doesn’t eat away at you forever. your baby won’t care that he never got a shower…all he cares about is the love he gets from you guys now. best wishes to you!!
I think if you want to throw your own party, you definitely should!! I totallly understand what you mean about feeling like you missed something you had always been dreaming of. I don’t think you waited to long at all. People will expect that you needed some time to adjust to a new baby before having it together enough to throw a party. And if anyone wonders why you waited so long, tell them you wanted to wait for your son to be able to smile at all his new friends
I hope your party is the welcome you pictured your son having!
so sorry to hear about this thing that is causing you to be so stress throw yourself that shower and just continue to pray and trust God when family fail God never fail us be strong for your baby blessings in abundant to you and your baby……