can my husband’s parents really take my daughter away?
ok, here we go. in 2008 my boyfriend(now husband) had an unnexpected pregnancy. i had a very complicated pregnancy and suffered horribly from pre-pardom depression. i knew i was not ready for a child, i was only 19 and the time and my husband was 20 and worked at subway. we were not ready to provide physically and emotionally for a child but i knew deep down that an abortion was not an option. after i had the baby the depression i experienced sky rocketted worse than ever into post pardom depression. i knew there was something wrong me, i took good care of my daughter however, i loved her(and still do) but knew a change would be made. one day i broke down to my husband and in-laws about how i didn’t think now was the time for me and was hysterical. my family lived overseas, so i had no one to turn to but them. i brought of adoption and they kindly asked if they good take care of her until i thought i was ready. i thought it was a good idea, this meant that in the future when the time came i could take on full responsibility of her in the meantime get my emotions together. my husband and i signed guardianship papers in the presence of their lawyer(his parents) and i saw her frequently and even babysitted offten, having her all night a couple times a week. a year went by, and after her first birthday i was feeling a lot better about having her and my depression was basically gone, and my husband got a very well paying job; although my marriage was on the rocks. i saw her more and more until my husband and i separated, this is when things got weird. i stayed in a town about an hour away with a friend and every time i would call to ask about setting up when i could see her or take her out his mother would get awkward and tell me i was a threat and she feared me taking her away and demanding child support. this was not at all my intention and i tried to as civil as possible assure her that that wasn’t the case i just wanted to see her. i still never saw her. it broke my heart and i panicked. i got back together with husband and am now able to see her, i am not even sure if it was legal for them to not let me see her. she will be two in august and still in their care. i see her whenever i can but they never bring up when we can have her full time again. i feel like it is my time to be her mother as i should be. one day i was watching her at their house while they were at work, as i was cleaning the dinner table off i noticed a calendar with my name all over it. she had recorded every time i called, our visits, and how they went. i was very alarmed and even my husband(who doesnt seem to think they will take her away) said that was slightly disturbing. i have said nothing about it since as i am trying to calculate my moves the right way. i wrote them an email saying, “i will no longer as permission to see my daughter, you were to have temporary gardianship and if it’s anything else that i signed i was tricked” i am beginning to get angry and have countless nightmares about this. should i get a lawyer?? does guardianship mean they call the shots? can they really take her away? i am terrified of this- please help
thanks everyone so much for the feedback. i would also like to add however that it is not my intention to rip her away from them all at once, they love her deeply as well as i do. i realize this is a process that will take time- i would never rip her out of her confort zone like that.
Tagged with: Away • daughter • husbands • parents • really • take
Filed under: Pregnancy Depression Support
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Yes. I’m sure they can take her away. It’s an awful situation for the child really….here she is bonded with the grandparents who stepped up for her when you couldn’t and now you want to take her away from that? I think that will cause a lot more damage to the child then you realize. I reall don’t know what to offer you.
I kind of went through the same situation with my parents when I went through my divorce I couldn’t function let alone take care of my child and my mom stepped up and took over with my son. He was less than a year old so a lot of the important bonding was done with my mom and my son and I have more of a sister/brother relationship. He’s 4 years old now and they live just up the street. My son lives with me but he spends a lot of time at their house also.
With all the depression you went through you might have a fight in court…..Sorry.
Yes. Guardianship means you gave them your parental rights temporarily. They can get a lawyer and make it permanent though…..FYI, you’ll probably need a lawyer…
What does your husband think about all this?
Seriously, you were not TRICKED…get over yourself….You were not able to provide for your child and you should be thankful you had someone to be there for her……quit thinking about yourself and think about the child.
You should definitely get a lawyer. You have rights & they cannot deny you your daughter. You did the right thing by giving them temporary guardianship papers if you felt like you could not care for her properly at the time. I’d imagine that would look good for you. Also, the fact that they let her stay at your house & you babysat her – clearly, they trusted you to take care of her on your own.
On the calendar you found, were there negative remarks about your visits, or did they seem fair & honest? That could be used in your favor as well, provided it’s accurate. Did you keep any records of the visits/calls/etc. yourself?
No matter what else, I’d get a lawyer asap. If you don’t have the funds for it right now, check with non-profit organizations. & a lot of large law firms do pro bono work to make themselves look better. It certainly couldn’t hurt to go through the phone book & ask if they’re taking any pro bono clients, let them know your situation & what not.
I really hope things go well for you, & I’ll be praying for you & your daughter.
you will need a lawyer. with guardianship you can’t have your cake and eat it too and this is what you thought you were accomplishing. you will need to prove you are able to support your daughter and be a good mother. a clean bill of health from a doctor specializing in depression will help as will completed parenting classes (many are free to young moms).
with guardianship you have signed away your parenting rights. it is not something to do “till you feel up to parenting”
you need to see a lawyer and get your daughter into your full time custody and then continue the custody fight with your in-laws
If you do decide to take her back you will need a lawyer. Because I can bet you that she will fight it. Im sorry you have to go through this but you need to put into consideration what this will do to your daughter if you take her away from her grandparents. It will be a lot harder than you think. She will have trust issues when she is older, possibly aggression and other mental difficulties I would do some research before you do anything. If you do decide to take her back you need to get a lawyer as soon as possible.