can you help me to feel better? Alchoholic mom is ruining me…?
I’m currently 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant, for those of you not too hip on the timing of gestation, that means i’m a day overdue, no biggie.
Anyways, my mother called me yesterday while i was at my prenatal appointment and left a drunken message about how she’s in detox and she’s sorry, and she’s not going to be there for my baby’s birth, or a while afterwards while she compleates the program.
I’m 22 years old, and this isn’t the first time she’s skipped out on me when i need her the most, when i was 12 she had me institutionalized, i stayed in a residential treatment center for 3 years. when i was “ready” to be released she opted to instead ask that they release me to a grouphome, all the while telling me she loves me and didn’t really want to but that she “just can’t handle me”.
I often feel like i wasn’t ever wanted around in the first place, actually i know i wasn’t. i’m the youngest of six, three from her first marrige and three from her second, i know that just being a sixth child doesn’t make me unwanted, that’s not the only reason i feel that way, but it might give you a clue when you consider how she’s cast me aside so many times before.
This time she was telling me how she would be there with me and my husband at the hospital, and that she would be helping me during the day for a few days after i got home. well that’s obviously not going to happen now…
the worst part is i’ve forgiven her every time. i’ve never told her that she’s fucking with me or that she’s making me feel like crap, because frankly, even though i’ve been to enough aa meetings to write a book of short stories, i don’t know how to “deal” with alcohalism, i don’t know if i should tell her or ifd i’ll just be making her worse.
so i guess my question is, what can you tell me to help me feel a little better?
becuase i’m starting my post-partum depression a bit early i think…. and my poor hubby doesn’t know what to say to me to help :/.
sara is a douche.. and a guy?
i might add, that my mother has been in and out of treatment and rehab for all of my life. she’s compleated 21 day programs numerous times, all court ordered.
in april she got out of prison, a four year sentance for multiple DUI’s and wreckless endangerment. instead of having the four felonies on her record, they booked her under her second married name, allowing her to go back to a teaching job (1st and 2nd grade kids) and qualify to move into a two bedroom condo in the area she works. she’s on parole this time (it was always just probation before) and i don’t yet know if she violated and is just trying to look good for the courts, but that’s usually what she does.
for those of you who have something to say about 40 weeks of pregnancy.. DUH!
http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-pregnancy-40-weeks_1129.bc?intcmp=timeline
I don’t recall asking: “Do you think i’m exagerrating?” but thanks for your answer… moron.
Tagged with: Alchoholic • better • feel • help • me... • ruining
Filed under: Prenatal Depression
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Okay first how are you 10months and 1day preg. 2nd your mom wants to get help for herself and shes ruining you? You have a baby on the way and a husband…time to grow up little girl.
Wow, I thought I had the worst childhood ever but I think yours might be as bad. Institutionalized for 3 years?! If I were you, I would never talk to her again. Surely the anger will be pernicious and manifest itself in some way or another (…alcoholism…) but at least that b!tch will be out of you life. Why would you let her have any relationship with your children?
40 weeks pregnant? Should you go get a c section asap? That’s more than a day overdue…..I think you might be lying or exagerating about some or all of this…which would totally be explained by the type of childhood you allegedly had.
Well first off congrats on your little one.
I can really sympathize with you. When I was pregnant it wasn’t my mom with the drinking problem it was my boyfriend. And even though his drinking problems did leave me with some bitter memories of my pregnancy I am glad that he dealt with it before our baby was born.
Your mother going to rehab at this time will be hard cause you are going through the most amazing time of your life, but just think, it will hopefully make her a better grandma to your baby. Your child won’t have to know her or see her drunk. And maybe your child might be inspiration to her to stay sober.
And about the mistakes your mom made with you , think of the experience that gives you. It will only serve to make you stronger as a mom.
Despite the hurt you are feeling right now try to look toward the journey you are about to begin.
Good luck.
Get a grip! your mother is very ill and all I hear from you is what about me.
sounds like your mom “voluntarily” decided to do something about her alcoholism! this is wonderful thing, though i think you know that already.
try to be there for her as much as you can without putting expectations on each other. she may be your mom, but she needs you also.
and yeah, it stinks that she’s going to miss your(baby’s) big day.
(you’ll be alright though. i had mine with no friends or family in the hospital at all and very little help afterwards).
im sure once she’s sobered up she’ll realize how much she’s done to hurt / disappoint you
good luck with everything!