expecting 2nd child and feeling weird/scared
i’m 36 weeks pregnant, i am married (to a wonderful, although a pain in the butt, man) and have a 4yr old. this has been a difficult pregnancy– i have had 3 threatened miscarriages, among other problems. i was really happy when we found out i was pregnant, and still am happy. i look forward to seeing our new son.
my problem is that i have a mixed range of emotions. i’m excited to see our baby, but at the same time, i’m almost afraid to. i’m afraid of not giving my 4yr old the attention he needs, and i’m afraid of not having the same feelings for the new baby as i do my 4 yr old. i’m afraid i won’t be as interested in my new baby.
i told my husband and he says he thinks things will be fine, and knows all will be well. my husband thinks that its because of everything else going on is why i feel this way. my grannie who is more like my mom has cancer and isn’t doing well with the new treatments (my mom died of cancer 2 months after my 4 yr old was born), the complications, and trouble with some of my other family members really have me down. i talked to my dr (my ob) and was started on zoloft because i didn’t want to feel bad while pregnant, and wanted to try to prevent postpartum depression.
anyone else feel afraid of not loving their 2nd or 3rd, etc child more than the first? or am i just completely nuts?
Tagged with: Child • Expecting • feeling • weird/scared
Filed under: Pregnancy Depression Treatment
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
my daughter is 4 also. i am pregnant with a girl. i have the same fears. that i won’t be able to love her as much as i do now, or i won’t love the unborn girl as much, or that the unborn girl won’t be a good sister to my daughter and i made a big mistake.
well all you have to do is get the 4 year old to help in activities he can bring you diapers throw them away you can have him pick out an outfit that he wants the baby to wear for that day you can hold the baby and have him feed the baby if you want so he don’t fell left out when the baby is napping then spend some time with just the 4 year old just lety him paritcipate a little in helping with the baby
YES!!! I have such a great relationship with my 2 y/o daughter I’m afraid everything will be ruined!! The new baby is due friday!! I’m afraid I’ll favor my 2 y/o. And wont be able to love the new one as much!
I’m sure we will change our minds when the new one gets here! At least I hope to god!!!
I have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship, and i just recently found out I’m pregnant with my second. Like you, I’m scared about my feelings. I love my little boy so much. I’m afraid that I might love one of my children more than the other, and that makes me feel guilty.
Also, I had my first son when I was only 21, and he was bottle fed. I would like to nurse this time, but I feel guilty. Like I’m giving this baby preferable treatment.
I’m also terrified that my older son will feel left out, since his biological dad isn’t int eh picture, and the new baby’s dad is (I went through that growing up as well)…
I think it’s all part of being a mother. We worry about these kinds of things.
I don’t know what to say to make you feel better, other than to tell you that you’re not alone in your feelings.
I felt this same way when I was pregnant with child #2. My daughter was about 7 when my son was born. You will have enough love for both of them, don’t worry!! Sometimes you may feel differently -not love them less but say the baby is being sweet and innocent and your four-year-old is driving you crazy.. but you will never love them less. Your husband is right, you will be fine! Just because you feel this way doesn’t mean you’ll have PPD.
I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant with my second child. I thought, there is no possible way that I can ever love someone as much as I love my son. But from the moment you see your baby’s face for the first time, you will fall in love just as you did with the first. And since your son is 4, (that’s how old mine was when i had my daughter) that is a great age because he can be the big helper. Make sure to give him lots of praise for helping, let him hold your new son, and maybe get him a gift from the baby to him, like a t-shirt that says, I’m a big brother or something like that. I was also put on Zoloft while pregnant, and after I had the baby, they increased my dosage a little bit because of my history with depression. It really does help. Good luck and feel free to email me if you ever need to vent!
Well, I think the Zoloft was/is a bad idea. Especially w/ complications already. This is normal, a lot of women feel emotional w/ these issues and more, it is just the hormones changing so much. I too thought I would not love my second as much, and when she came out w/ colic I was even more afraid my feelings were going to be less. But we got through it, I was angry because of the issues colic brings, but I could not ever have imagined not having her, or worse losing her. My husband really helped me to be what we needed for them both. When it got so bad I knew to take a few minutes by myself and just pray and breath.
I was able to still love my oldest the same as always if not more, I made sure anyone who visited gave her attention first, and I ALWAYS made time to read to her more than 1 book or just sit on the floor and play toys w/ her she liked playing Barbie or those little fisher price loving family dolls. I involved her w/ the caring for the second, let her hold her or sing to her, or help cuddle her. My colic child only wanted to be held(standing) by me all the time! But when I held her I had my oldest rub her feet or back and that seemed to help her. I found a product that is all natural called colic tablets(found at health stores) and they really helped so I could spend more time w/ my oldest too. She really like drawing so that helped my to feel better when I could get her to draw me a picture that she was telling me how much she loved the baby and me and her daddy.
Mine was 2 when the second was born, but being 4 yours should be able to understand and help more. If you stay positive and explain to him situations in a way he will realistically understand he will be fine. You just need to let him know that you will still love him and the baby will too, also I recommend buying a lot of children’s bboks that will help w/ this for your child. Don’t worry so much it is not good for you or the baby, especially not your son, when you act like this he picks up on it and feels like something is wrong or begins to worry himself. I know my 4yr old is very tuned into my feelings, she will let me know when she thinks I feel bad and she always says “Dear Lord Jesus please help mommy to feel better amen.” She may not understand it all yet, but I think that really helps me and it truly lifts my heart and spirits to know she cares that much and wants nothing but my happiness or her daddy’s or even her sisters now. She is always thinking about others and always to make anyone feel better no matter if it is a big thing or a little thing. I think most fours care this much about their loved ones.