My husband wants me to have an abortion, says he doesn’t know if he loves me? Feel so alone and used.?
My husband and I went through a very bad year, and we moved to atlanta for jobs that my sister helped us to get in door. My husband had been unemployed for an extended period of time- limited to no income for 3 years. I had been laid off and underwent treatment for cancer. Between my health and what I see as his struggle with depression we were beyond the boiling point- rock bottom. Moving, a steady income, and a fresh start seemed to be what we needed. Its not that it was perfect over night,but it was moving in the right direction. We were going to move into our own place next week., we have been going ou and there was passion and tenderness. . We are both well educated and though new at our jobs, earn a good joint income right now and have started to rebuild our savings. The night before last he assured me that he loved me and really wanted to be married to me and grow old together… Then yesterday I told him I was pregnant and he told me he wasn’t sure if he really loved me, and wanted me to have an abortion. He basically accused me of trying to trap him with a pregnancy or acted like it was deliberate.I had been told that due to endometriosis and the treatments I had gone through for cancer, it was unlikely that I would conceive with out assistance. We used contraceptives every time we were intimate despite what the doctors told me. We did have broken condemn and I did get pregnant. It is a shock to me too, not some plot. I am afraid of raising a child alone, or bringing a child into the world who isnt wanted by its father. I am afraid of losing my husband, and know men aren’t lining up to step in and date a women with a baby or even a young kid. My heart is broken to hear that my husband doesn’t know if he loves me because despite it all I love him, and that he wants to abort the baby. I am here in a new city with no one to talk to and I don’t know what to do. I called in sick to work and I dont know what to do.
Tagged with: Abortion • alone • doesn't • feel • husband • know • loves • SAYS • used • wants
Filed under: Pregnancy Depression Treatment
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Sounds like an ass. This is a miracle from God. Keep the baby and divorce this asshole. Get a tape recorder and record the shit that he says to you. He’s not worth it.
If you need a friend to talk to, email me. There are lots of organizations out there for you and you need to take advance of your resources. Look for groups in the phone book.
That baby you conceived is innocent. Get rid of the husband not the baby. This baby is your miracle baby.
You guys have been through a lot in a short period of time. He is probably stressed over the idea of bringing in another mouth to feed and take care of especially since he had lost his job and you as well. Now that you both have found employment and getting on your feet again things should look up. How can you trap him when you are already married? This is not all your fault it takes 2 to make a child so unless you deliberately broke the condom then I can’t see him being angry. I think he needs time to adjust to the news of him being the father.
DO NOT HAVE AN ABORTION!!!
It will haunt you for the rest of your life. It will always be in the back of your mind.
That kid could be the next Einstein or Leonardo DaVinci. You don’t know so kill that kid.
Steve Jobs was almost aborted by his mother, but she put him up for adoption and look at him now; he is the CEO of Apple. People now call him “His Jobness” or “Sir Jobs.” This guy is popular as heck and for good reason. He is good at what he does. See this Wikipedia article if you don’t believe me, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Jobs .
I was almost aborted by my mom, but thankfully my aunt and uncle convinced her not to. It’s a good thing she didn’t because now she can’t have anymore kids due to fertility problems. I will be her only boy child for now and all eternity.
I love sex too but I would never ever allow the woman I’m with to have an abortion. If she does, then she is dead to me. You have to take responsibility. Be an adult and do not kill that kid. I’m serious.
And if everything you say about this guy is true then he is a genuine shit-bag.
Don’t do it!
I’m sorry but your husband is being very insensitive. You had cancer. That is difficult for any couple to deal with, but it was also you that had it. You took precautions not to get pregnant yet he still accuses you of trying to trap him. He tells you one night he loves you and the next he’s not sure.
He’s being very selfish. Abortion takes severe emotional and physical toll on a woman.
I think you two really need to decide whether to save this marriage or move on. If you want to save it, seek counseling.
I can say one thing he have to love something about you,you’re still together.Sit down and think before you act on anything.I don’t want to say this but for him to say those words to you there may be some one else.Sit down and talk about this with him.Ask him why in the heck would you say such mean things to you.If he really meant what he said, have the baby if you want to that’s your decision but move on cause there are men out there will accept and respect you and your child.Hell with him!
Don’t have an abortion.
I’ve known countless women personally who have had abortions for this very reason, because the guy claims he does’nt Love them or whatever.
They all ended up spending the rest of their lives regretting it.
It’s an abomination really if you think about it. If he dod’nt care about you at ALL then he should not have had sex with you. Now he’s trying to put you through yet another damaging experience.
Thanks Asshole, Thanks alot!!!!
Don’t have an abortion.
When I got pregnant with my daughter I didn’t know what I was gonna do, I had no money, I couldn’t even affor ANYTHING, for this child. I decided to have the baby and God blessed me by providing all her needs, (miraculously).Friends and neighbors gave us cloths toys money, and all kinds of helo I did not think I would get.
I’m a Christian and I’m against abortion in some NOT ALL cases. I think in your case you should have the baby. Just trust and have FAITH that God will provide for you, and FUCK that Asshole boyfriend of yours.
I’ll tell you true.
Most women, Not all,
ALOT
end up in your shoes, without the Father being there. Every women I know personally is in this position. It’s rare that people stay together, that the father cares, or that he Loves you. Becuase either sooner or later all relationships end badly, and he leaves, and your left a single mother with a kid.
That’s just the way it is these days.
Stop talking to him. This is none of his business, and to be honest all men dog you out, the only true Love you are ever gonna have in this life and in this world, are your children
Most people will say having a kid was the best thing that ever happened to them.
Don’t blow this opportunity. I say if the condom broke, and U got pregnant, WHAT ARE THE ODDS??!!
Think about it, it’s fate. I know a couple like that too. The condom broke…..
That child was a blessing for them and the best thing that ever happened to him, and he did not give a damn about the mother, but they did try to make it work for the sake of the kid, and in a way even though he cheats and sleeps with other chicks,they are still together, as miserable as they are.
Dump him, and focus on prenatal vitamins now.
He’s afraid of child support. It’s up to you whether or not you want to go after him for child support. You can choose to exclude him as the father on the birth certificate so there will be no worries about that. Or you could after his Ass.
Don’ let him try to talk you out of having the baby though.
You’ll just end up very sad and regreteful.
It’s fate, it’s meant to be, have that child, and forget him. You’ll look back and be very glad you did.
I am so sorry to hear you feel alone in this. I would too if I was in this situation. For me, I feel God gave you that baby for a reason and it is a blessing to have a child. You are married, that is sad how he is treating you. Put yourself and your baby first and get some help from social services to help you take care of baby if he doesn’t want you or baby anymore. Don’t let him treat you like that. Do you have family that you can go live with elsewhere if he isn’t going to support you? I would tell him that you are going to have the baby with or without his support. Stand up for yourself and he will respect you. No matter what, have your child and take care of it. If he is abusive, their are places that help. I know you feel alone and it is hard, but you will get through this. If you believe in God, pray to him. My twin in pregnant and alone. You will be okay. This is a gift. I was 38 when I had my first child. She is 17 weeks and a blessing from God. I love her more than anything in this world. I had endometriosis too. Bless you and your child. Take care!
With all that you’ve been through, this baby is a miracle. To be told by doctors that you will most likely not conceive, but do so anyway is wonderful. It may not be the best timing, but not everything in life can be planned and sometimes the unexpected things in life become the best things.
Considering the move, the unemployment issues, the cancer, etc…finding out you’re having a baby is a big deal. Your husband may simply be stressed and overwhelmed and worried because he feels that he may not be able to provide for his family.
You obviously don’t want to get an abortion and nor should you. Tell your husband this. Give him time to digest the information. If in the end, he still feels the same way don’t be so disheartened. If you end up being a single parent, you have to look at it in the grander scheme of things–this is a child that was a miracle and there are tons of single mothers out there who struggled but have done well.
Don’t kill your baby just because you chose the wrong man.
Raising a baby alone isn’t an easy task but if you start planning now you’ll make the road a little smoother.
If possible move closer to family and friends for support.
Good luck!
You are going to get a lot of personal opinions posting an abortion question. In the end you have to make you own decision, but Don’t have an abortion just because your husband tells you to.
You were extremely lucky to conceive this baby naturally and if you want the baby, have it as it may not happen again.
You marriage may end even if you had an abortion, so don’t make your decision based on that. There are worse things than being a single mother. Yes its hard and yes its scary, but it is very rewarding. There is a high possibility that your husband would either slowly change his mind as the pregnancy progresses, or at least after the birth but even if he didn’t, thats his problem. He is trying to manipulate you into making a decision because its what HE wants. You need to make your decision based on what you would have wanted to do with the baby if he had been supportive, then you know you have made the right choice.
Good luck, email me if you ever need someone to talk to
Please seek professional counseling as soon as you can. All these thoughts and fears are perfectly normal for someone who has an unplanned pregnancy. Right now the most important question you need to ask yourself is ‘do you want to have this baby’. You have to make the choice that is right for YOU. If you have taken the day off, then make the most of it be looking for some professional support. If you decide not to have the child let it be because it was the right decision for you. If you decide to go ahead and have the child then there is nothing to worry about because it will still be the right decision for you. Please seek professional advice and support as soon as you can. Check the internet for services close to you, call the local hospitals/medical centre and ask them for contact details of services that can assist you.
And please beware of advice posted. This topic is a passionate one for everyone, for or against. No one has the right to tell you whether you should or should not have the baby.
Have faith in your own ability to make your own choice and follow your heart when you do so.
in all this u have said ur fears and his wants. what do u want? if u don’t want the baby the give it up. if however u do want the baby keep it and love it. men come and go children are forever. God brought this blessing to u. either give the a$$hole some time to get used to the idea and remind him it was HIS condom that broke and that u were using contraceptives. tell him he is not trapped, the door swings both ways. he is probably scared just like u are. keep your chin up and let him know your decision and tell him that the decision is not just his to make. know that this child is not a hamster that u will have occasional fond memories of when u walk into a pet store; but a child u will wonder about for a lifetime. eye/hair color, pale or dark complected. who it would have resembled. the thoughts will be there forever. u don’t sound like a callous person who could just walk away unhurt. i would suggest, and it hurts like crazy that u get an amniocentesis. (needle in the womb sack to determine the health of the baby since u are having kemo and all that. that way if it is deformed or has something u cannot handle u have more info to make a better decision. i have been a single parent to all 3 of my kids and they are well adjusted college grads with good enough paying jobs. remember tho u have a choice in this too. make ur wishes known and sit and talk about this without the tears. if u want to u can e mail me too. if he does leave u, i know the economy is bad but, maybe u can move back nearer to your family so u have help watching the baby while u work. good luck.
i feel so bad for bad for your husband because when some one that can not love a child let alone a miracle child like yours must not love him self. because after all you have been thur God gives you a light of hope a new beginning.it is up to you if you through that gifted away and if you do are you sure he will give you another one when your husband is ready for it.believe me husbands come and go. if you are alone or not for the raising of your child god will give you the strength and courage to go on you have gone thur cancer and lived this will be easy. i know you love your husband but i he doesn’t love something that comes from you then do you think he loves you as much. i wish you the best of luck and love that you deserve because man may not be lining up but you only need that one that will make you happy and will make you complete and like this child that came so unexpected so will the man that you need it might be your husband or someone else people do change sometimes it takes time don’t give up hope
Congratulations, you are going to be a mother. How wonderful for you. Never have an abortion, this might be the only child you could have and you would feel terrible if you aborted your child. He can walk away at any time and believe me there are many men out there that would love to meet a loving caring woman and raise and adopt her child. I met a man that married me after I got a divorce from an abuser and he raised my four kids. He told everyone they where his kids and would argue with people when they said they where his step kids, he would say they where his, it didn’t matter if they had his blood or not they where his. So don’t give up your child because your husband is having an identity crisis. He is not thinking right and when he comes to his senses he will be so happy to have a child, and love you even more for not having an abortion. If you want this child, have it, you will do just fine.
It sounds like you have made up your mind. Not once in your entire story did you say, I want to have this baby.
You gave all the negative reasons why you don’t feel comfortable about having this baby. Your husband doesn’t want it, you don’t want to raise it alone, and you’re afraid you will have a problem finding another man to marry that will want you when you have a child by your first husband.
It all comes down to one thing. Do YOU want this baby? It’s your body and your decision. Never let anyone tell you if you should or shouldn’t have this baby. This is your life!
I’m a bit concerned about you being able to depend on your husband to be there for you whether you have this baby or not. Any man who was unemployed for 3 years and wouldn’t even take a minimum wage job in order to bring at least some money in while waiting for a better job and depends on his wife to support him, while she has cancer. Doesn’t sound like a man who will be there for you in the future.
Ask your self, what will happen if you have an abortion? How will you feel about your husband for pressuring you into doing this? What if you can’t get pregnant again? Will you forgive your husband and be able to stay with him, knowing that because of him, you will never get another chance to have a baby? Is he really worth giving up this miracle baby?
You have to consider everything, the positive and negative. In the end, YOU are the only one who can make this decision for YOU.
Kelley, kelley, you got to pull your self together. It’s not as bad as it seems. You are seeing the worst of thing but who said its going to be that way?
I can understand the challenges you have gone through, but the fact that you are rebuilding your lives shows you are resilient. You don’t just go down, you go down fighting. You are a strong person, you have weathered the storm before, and you will go through this.
I for sure can’t tell you what to do for the choice is yours, but that pregnancy means there is a little fellow living in you right now. You have a choice of making the life of that baby as enjoyable or as miserable. You have no idea why God gave you that baby when many other s cry to be pregnant and they cannot.
If your husband does not want the baby and you do not want the baby you can give up that child for adoption. Every state has that option, please do not consider abortion, it will traumatize you for the rest of your life…