My wife just had a miscarriage how do I help her?
Saturday, July 31st, 2010 at
7:07 am
My wife and I were trying to have a baby for almost a year. We finally got the phone call that said she was pregnant and she was so excited she cried for hours. She made a nursery out of our spare bedroom and even baby proofed the entire house. She miscarried yesterday and has fallen into a deep depression. I’ve tried to talk to her but I get little response. Any advice?
Tagged with: help • Just • Miscarriage • wife
Filed under: Miscarriage Depression
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Just be there for her when ever she needs a hug or to talk. She needs to grieve in her own way. You will too.
I just experienced a miscarriage and its no fun. Im sorry for your loss as well as hers. My best advice, although it sounds hard is just to leave her alone. I didnt want to talk to anyone about it either. Just knowing that she has you in case she needs to talk will be enough. Dont try and force the subject or anything. Its a big loss, especially for someone who really wanted it. She’ll come around just have faith. Remember, nothing can replace the baby she’s lost, but remind her that you can try again in the future. Good luck with everything and god bless.
xoxo
just love her. Be with her but give her space too. If it last too long, I would have her talk to someone professionally. It is a tough situation I would imagine. But just be there for her, let her know it is not her fault, sometimes these things happen, and you can try again.
Try cheerin her up with flowers, and let her know the baby is an angel in heaven and she needs to move on and try again for another baby.
Give her mood enhancin foods like chocolates, and the smell of honeysuckle is supposed to help forget depressed moments.
Tell her to keep the baby room cause u will have a baby again real soon. Keep her positive.
Make sure she eats good like Total Cereal and B vitamin foods. B as in blueberries, bananas etc.
She will be okay soon…..
Just give her as much support as possible and be there for her. Allow her and yourself to mourn, you have suffered a loss and will need a period of time to heal. I am so sorry for your loss.
Your wife is going through a difficult time and she will probably be depressed for awhile. When I went through my miscarriage, I was so depressed for months. The best thing you can do is try to comfort her and keep talking with her. It will be awhile before she will feel okay. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do at this time, since this only just happened and she needs time to mourn. Just keep an eye out for her and be there for her and if a few weeks have gone by without her seeming to get a bit better, then you might want to take her to the doctor, so they can give her an antidepressant.
leave her alone for a few days, don’t talk about it and don’t try to make her feel better. She needs time to grieve. Let her cry if she wants to then she’ll open up and you guys can talk about it.
This happened to me last summer and I used to stay at work extra so I can cry and not to face my husband because he kept saying don’t worry, every thing will be fine and you’ll get pregnant again but I was feeling guilty since my body let down the pregnancy.
You don’t have to say anything, just quietly understand her and be kind. She has to go through it and will talk when she is ready. If you have to say anything, don’t use the term miscarry, it seems vaguely accusing; just say *our baby* didn’t make it and be matter of fact, because it really does happen to anyone. And if she is inclined to rationalize things, you might remind her that pregnancies spontaneously abort when there is chromosomal anomaly, they would not make it anyway, it’s quite common, and all is for the best. best wishes.
Have a private memorial for the baby. Perhaps a spot where you can bury something symbolic to acknowledge that this child meant something to you both, and won’t be forgotten.
I wouldn’t avoid talking about the baby. The baby. She made a home for it and it died. Not talking about it won’t erase the pain, she will probably just feel like nobody cares and she’s expected to just ‘get over it’. Talk about him/her, name him/her, treat the situation like it is, a little soul that died. Don’t jump into creating another baby until she’s properly grieved for this one, and let him/her go.
My condolences.
Just be there for her…and a biggie is..IF SHE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT…LISTEN!!!! Too many people kinda freak out about miscarriage and don’t want to say anything about it…in fear of hurting the person that had the loss…..Talking about it made me feel so much better..when i could find someone that wasn’t terrified to listen to me
Assure her that everyday will get better…No the pain doesn’t go away…but with every passing day u learn to deal with it alittle better.
I’m so sorry for ur loss.
I feel everything works out for a reason. This just wasn’t the time. But there can be a next when she’s feeling up to it, and you as well. My husband’s Mom had soooo many miscarriages before she finally got pregnant with him… and he was definitely a miracle! Miracles do happen. I’d have her go to the doctor, see if they can do anything for her, and to make sure she’s healthy and could carry a baby if she were to get pregnant again. Think about all the women you know- how many have had a miscarriage? Just about every woman I know has had one-my mom had one when she was pretty far along imbetween me and my younger brother. It is sad to think I could have another brother or sister, but that baby wasn’t meant to be, and I’m happy for the two brothers I have- and the family I have as well. If there’s any possible way you can change her outlook on this, that would help a bunch. I know it is tough, but you have to keep living your life, you can’t put it on hold. I look at it as when I lost my great-grandmother just a few months ago- I loved her soo very much, and miss her tons… but you know what? She wouldn’t want me to live my life crying non-stop. she would want me to be happy, so that’s when I move on with my life. She will always be in my heart- as your lost child will be… but you must move on, that would make them happy seeing you happy.
I hope this helps some… I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you can try again.
I think the fact that you are asking shows how caring and devoted you are to her. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It was your loss too and I hope that you are finding ways to cope as well.
All you can do is be supportive, tell her you love her and that you’ll get through it together. Let her be alone if she needs to but if it gets to a point where you are concerned about her not taking care of herself, call the doctor and ask about depression.
Do NOT say “it was meant to be” or “we can have another baby”. Acknowledge that she (and you) wanted THIS baby and having another won’t eliminate the grief of losing this one.
The pain will subside in time. I think all you can do is allow each other to process the loss.
I think your wife would want some space but at the same time know that your there for her. Christmas is coming up….do something special for her. But don’t put too much on her and forget about you. You lost a baby as well and have every right to grieve and mourn the loss. I’m sure you both wanted that baby, and it sounds like she really wants to be a mommy and you really want to be a daddy. So love each other!! One of the best parts about a marriage is knowing that your not alone and that your accepted and loved unconditionally. She’s the woman your going to spend the rest of your life with and I’m sure you know there’s going to be some bumps in the road but don’t let them take away from the big picture. Sorry for you and your wifes loss. Time eases pain and love can’t do anything but help!!
My wife just had a miscarriage and i am so lost. This is a new feeling and I cant explain it. All of the answers you have given seem to be good. I just want to know why, what could i have done. I know me being in the service and away from her kills me inside i feel like less of a man because i couldn’t give her this gift. The worst part about this is I cant be there with here right now. What do i do about that?
I notice that many people told u not to talk to her about it….thats the worst thing u can do. My wife also lost her baby and we talk about it and cry together…we decide to make an album with memories about our unborn child and seems to be working for both of us…..Try to be strong for her.